Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
