So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
