all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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