I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
