I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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