ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
