so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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