I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
