super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
