is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
