Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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