We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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