ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
