and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize