I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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