Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
