one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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