Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Your cock deserves a montage
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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