Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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