my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
