need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I am mentally ready for anal.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
