I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
