Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Less talking, more tequila
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
