she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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