She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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