im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
