What a fucking waste of an outfit
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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