i don't like sucking hair
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
