I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
