I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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