so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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