I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
