Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
