my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
