so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
