WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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