THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
