just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
