Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
