through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
