dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize