The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
