hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
