My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I love having hate sex.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
