i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
