I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
