Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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