I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
