My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize