Betty ford says i'm here all night
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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