oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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