My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
that may or may not have been my penis.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
