he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I think people are normalizing furries
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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