Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
