Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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