The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My vagina just clenched in fear
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