Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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