Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
