I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
