We're like a lot better than the average bears
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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