Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
