Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
