i was born a porn star she said
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
