in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
