I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
did i just pee glitter
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