my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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