She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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