There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
