I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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