we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
