a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
