What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
