You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
