so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
