We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
