If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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