in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
