I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize