It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
