I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
