just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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