I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
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