He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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