She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
