Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
