Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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