yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
