dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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