Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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