I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize