I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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