You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize