The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
