you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
that is very illegal...i love you.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
