***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
