why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
