Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
