I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
