he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize