NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
