and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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