If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
