i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
two words...techno handjob
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
