He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
