My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
