Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
