so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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