and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
