Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
