ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
